Updated: Aug 13, 2020
Throughout our lifetime we will learn many life lessons. We may learn from our friends, from our family, through experiences and through our relationships. All of these help to shape us into the women we are today!
Today We are going to talk about a few lessons that I learned in my last relationship. Before we start let me give you a brief back story. Me and (we shall call him Chris) Chris met back in 2016 at Carnival. I'll never forget I had recently gotten out of a relationship and my friend dragged me out to the event. If you've ever been to Carnival you know the kind of atmosphere it is and I wanted NO PART OF IT! All I knew was I going to be getting hit on all day by a bunch of Island men and was like "Nah sis! Don't do this to me!!"
I manage to make it through the day dodging all the creeps lol and literally right before we we're about to leave here comes Chris. Next thing I know I done gave my number to some boy without even realizing it (dudes game was strong ya'll)! We hit it off right away and things seemed pretty promising. Our relationship lasted a total of 4 years and I can truly say I've learned the MOST about myself during that time.
So now that you know a bit about our relationship let's get into these lessons that I learned.
Lesson #1: Men will treat you how you let them treat you. I feel like men test you in the beginning to see your limits and yes we do it too ladies. You're beginning to learn about that person, their likes, interests, their personality (cause we don't want to be stuck with no crazies now). Looking back I see I let Chris get away with a lot of things that I shouldn't have. Instead of voicing my thoughts I was very passive and let things slide...not to say everything was BAD but you have to teach people how to treat you and I didn't do that. I kinda just went with the flow and didn't voice my opinion in the beginning. Unfortunately I let my lack of Self Love get the best of me.
Lesson #2: It's okay to step outside of your comfort zone: I can truly say that I've experienced so many things during our relationship. I'm the type of person that willingly stays in her happy comfort zone bubble. I eat the same thing at restaurants, I shop at the same places, I like to have the same routines, I use to live my life on the safe side. I'm so grateful I decided to step outside of the box because it's helped shape me into the well rounded woman I am today.
Lesson #3: Never lower your standards:
Now when I say lower my standards I mean I did things I wouldn't normally do in a relationship. There were times I compromised my standards because I didn't want to seem stuck in my ways and because I didn't want to be alone...I know bad reason but once again self love issues back then and I know much better now. While it is important to do try new things if it does not align with your belief system don't do it.
Lesson #4: Experienced what it feels like to have a "soulmate." To me a soulmate is someone whom you have a deep genuine bond or connection, kind of like your souls are bound & tied together. I can definitely say Chris was my soulmate. I've never experienced a connection like we had. It was a strange kind of magical feeling. Have you ever experienced that before? I use to think that once you found your soulmate you found "The One" but I was wrong. There's a huge difference from a soulmate and a life partner...know the difference.
Lesson #5: NEVER date fresh out of a relationship. If you don't take away anything from this post PLEASE listen to me on this one ladies! You cannot date someone who has not healed from their last relationship, especially if they're fresh out of one. Me and Chris went wrong with this one. We both were fresh out of relationships and we brought that baggage into our relationship. I know we could've avoided a lot of mishaps if we were both completely healed but we did somethings to hurt each other because we were both hurt and you know what they say "Hurt people hurt people." So whatever you do, do the work to ensure that you're fully healed before jumping into the next one.
Lesson #6: You can't make someone want to be with you. This was the hardest on to come to terms with. You could not tell me that I was going to be with this man for the rest of my life. He was my world you guys and I did everything in my power to make things work. At some point however I had to swallow the hardest pill I ever had to swallow. I had to except that he probably was NEVER going to want to be with me the way I wanted to. Sometimes its still hard for me to understand this but I'm getting better day by day.
I'll forever be grateful for our relationship. It taught me a lot, I grew tremendously, I have tons of memories and I'm a better person. I know breakups can be tough ladies but just know that once the pain wears off, you'll be able to look back at all the lessons you gained and be wiser for the next one. Until next time babes.